Kale-part 1

 

Kale was #3 child, second son. He was happy from birth. It was just his nature to smile, he was always looking to laugh and have fun. This got him into trouble on more than one occasion. He loved attention, good or bad. During my hard days after my divorce, and being a single mom, this little baby, just 6 months old was a ray of sunshine. Pretty much oblivious to what had just blown up his family. *Photo of Kale with my sister, Suesan

He loved his older sister, Tiffany, who helped watch out for her brothers. Followed Brian everywhere, copied his every move. As our family grew, Kale seem to enjoy being the big brother now, watching out for his siblings. Because we had moved a lot ourselves, something I swore my children would never have to do, as it had been so hard for me growing up, the kids made friends wherever they went. They learned, people will come and go in your life, but your family is your core. This was our foundation and the kids were bestest of friends.  Kale loved practical jokes, and would always jump out at me to scare me or his sisters, his laughs were infectious and you could not stay mad at him for long. He was a mess maker, leaving a trail that I never would have to worry if he were to get lost, you would just follow his trail. We used to say he would forget his head if it were not attached. 

Kale had an incredible memory, something he got from my dad. He was in drama club, and many times on night of performance, someone would not show up, he would take their role, plus his, so the play would go on without a hitch. He did great in Academic Decathalon, his memory for facts was most useful. During high school, depression set in for him very deeply. He would sleep a lot, everything was a big effort. He would get into these pout modes you just could't shake him out of for days sometimes. He took correction or criticism very hard. I did not know if he would make it through these years, expecting that one day, he may just try to end it. Being Kale's mother was also very hard. He made me want to pull my hair out in frustration. Challenging him, motivating him was not easy. He picked up bad habits of lying, sometimes stealing. The only way to see if he was lying was to see if his lips were moving. He had so much potential but was content to settle for so little from himself. After high school, Kale was in a lot of dead end jobs, hanging out with not the best of guys, not real bad kids, just ones wandering aimlessly through life. He was drinking a lot. When we moved out of one of the houses we were in we uncovered one of Kale's stashes of empty alcohol bottles. He had put on weight, over 100 pounds as time went on, and more and more unhappy with himself.

Kale knew he wanted more from himself, life and just didn't know how to push himself to do it. He told dad, "you are not always there to push me anymore dad, I have to figure out how to do that myself". He decided to join the Army. This  was a big goal, he was well past their acceptance standards in his weight. But he did not give up, he worked and worked at it. During this time we had moved to Idaho, Kale was living in Arizona, so we didn't get to see the progress he was making. I was mostly hoping he would not go into the military, scared for my child. The day he called me to say, "I'm ready mom, I'm going to enlist today", scared me that this was a reality. I had just finished my call with him, went to take my shift at a call center for the airlines, and one of my first calls of the day, was helping a woman who's son was just killed in Iraq and was now making arrangements to bring his body back. Somehow, I finished that call, went into the bathroom and cried my eyes out. That night, at my bedside prayer, I poured out my heart to God, telling Him I could not take 4 years of worry like this for Kale. I was given a picture of Kale, standing before the Savior and something was being wrapped around his shoulders. I felt instant peace, and the words I heard was that he was His son, before he was mine. I no longer carried any fears I couldn't handle over his safety as he was now deployed in Iraq. One day, I had watched a news report that had a war feature, and all my fears rose up inside. I was told, "you gave this to me to carry, are you going to take it back now?" I gave my fears back to where they belonged, with my Savior who would carry this for me. 

While Kale was in Basic training, he was suffering greatly. Running was never his strong suit and he was very close to not completing the requirements to pass for graduation. Kale knew that the soldiers were not allowed anything other than letters sent to them. He called me one day and asked that I mail his staff sergeants my "famous" cookies, as he was hoping that perhaps they might ease up on him a bit. Kale had a strong "suck up" streak, and was always on the lookout for that easier path. He knew his unit would pay a price for this, as getting "smoked" by the staff sergeants *endless push ups etc. would be paid by the group for this infraction. So, I said, "if you are sure you want me to do this, then yes, I will do it for you." However, it did not go as he had planned. With the cookies, was a note that I thanked them for their service, and for training my son. I said, "I want you to go as hard on him as you can", because what you are teaching him may save his life or others." So the staff sergeants are reading this to Kale's unit, while eating the cookies and making them hold those push ups for as long as they possibly could. So Kale had big sucking up to do this time, with everyone of his fellow soldiers. He promised them each cookies, as he knew I was coming out for his graduation. I filled a back pack with 200 cookies, and flew from Washington with them, and we passed them out to everyone of his fellow soldiers, not one of them forgetting to ask him about theirs when they saw him. 

 

Watching the strong soldier my son became through his basic training was amazing. He just would not give up, no matter how hard. It was pushing him to develop all the greatness he had inside. He wrote home, that for the first time in his life, he was really happy with himself.  He could see he could do hard things. He belonged to something that gave him great pride in. He loved being a soldier, serving his country and fellow soldiers. We flew out to be with him at his graduation at Ft. Jackson. I have never seen or felt such pride he had, or us for him. I am surprised those shiny gold buttons of his class A uniform were able to hold in that proud chest. That memory of that day, our arms around him are forever seared in my brain. That was the happiest day we had with him. He showed us around his base, showing off for his family, but especially for Jordan. He wanted him to see how "tough" he was. It was our turn to surprise him. He thought just mom was coming, to his graduation, but Dad, Jordan, Becca and Meg came. The other kids were not able to join us. We played putt golf that day, and lots of Kanasta/aka hand and foot that weekend.

Kale had signed up for infantry, he became a gunner for his commander. He excelled at learning the weapons, and then broke down the training not just for his fellow soldiers but also for his superiors. 

A few months into Kale arriving at Ft. Carson, his new post, after a night of drinking with his buds, Kale was somehow elected or he volunteered that he was the most "sober" of the group, and drove his friends car back on post. The red eyes, reeking of alcohol, and probably slurred and "confident" speech did not impress the guard on duty and Kale was given a DUI. He was demoted rank, fined, given extra duty in addition to civil charges and penalty's. He was very remorseful and swore he would never do this again. He knew he had let down his parents, commanders trust etc. His extra duty consumed every moment after finishing their regular shifts of training. As time was drawing very close to their unit leaving on deployment, I drove out from Washington, where yes, another move took us. Megan and Jordan came with me as well to see their brother off. We soaked up every minute with him, so few of them since he had this extra duty. As our time was drawing to a close to be with him, I was becoming desperate for more time. I knew he still had a little extra time to complete his punishment. We would be gone before it ended though. So I prayed about what to do, and felt impressed I should go to his superior and beg for some time with my son. I prayed his heart would be softened and would grant me this time. Kale had told me many stories about SGT. SATAN as Kale referred to him as. He sounded so fierce I was afraid to approach him as well. However, this was no time for my fears to overtake me. I approached him at their office, and yes, he was a big and intimidating man. My voice shook, I spoke to fast, I told him, I knew what my son did was so wrong and he deserved his punishment. I did not want to condone his actions in the least. But with his deployment imminent and we had driven so far for this precious time with him, would he please, grant us the gift of time with my son. We talked about his own life, his wife too was due to deploy, leaving him home to watch his 2 small sons. He barked for Clay to come in,  "when are you due to report back"  "Monday Sir" was Kale's reply. He gave us the weekend to spend together. I was so grateful and tearful, I gave him a big momma Clay hug. Some of Kale and his friends who had walked by, who saw momma Clay hugging Sgt. Satan; aka to me, SGT PEACHES, they were completely dumbfounded.  I told Kale, "I don't know what you see in him that is so bad, that guy is a cream puff!" What a precious weekend we had together. We went to a church service, drove through Garden of the Gods. I could now go home having spent all the time I could with Kale. He left a short time later for Iraq.

 

 Kale was really scared deep down about going out on his deployment. Many times he would mention he might not make it home. "Don't be silly son, you are gonna die an old man, you are gonna give us lots of grandkids. You got a lot of living to do." Looking back now I wonder if in some way, he just somehow knew he would not grow old. He had taken out a life insurance policy telling us, "this will take care of you when I am gone."  I sent tons of care packages to him, Kale often said he thought I thought he was still at boy scout camp. In my mind, I kinda thought of him at camp rather than being in a war zone. It made it easier to imagine that. When I saw pictures of him in his uniform, it seemed to surprise me. He is a soldier, not a boy scout! The packages I would send  were filled with food and silly things. I adopted his unit at Christmas making sure each of the 24 guys in his group all had a package. His battle buddy, Mike Blanton's wife also sent tons of packages, and Kale and Mike's room became known as the 7-11. They put their beds bunk bed fashion, with Kale on top *very dangerous for Mike below and half his weight! but this allowed them more room in their tiny space so they could set up their gaming station easier.  Kale's Captain Holm, and other superiors said that they would seek Clay out to talk to. If they were having a rough day, you never left Clay's side without feeling better. His fellow soldiers said that Clay made their deployment bearable. He went the extra mile to show his willingness to serve those around him. I even got a note online from a man from Iraq who told me how helpful Clay was in helping him to move when no one else did.  Kale had adventures, that when he would call, I would get the "sanitized mom version", then when Jordan or dad got on the line, the full details would come out. I am glad at the time I was kept in the dark. He was protected on many occasions. One time, him and another soldier were inches from wanting to kill a superior who was so hard on the soldiers that pushed them all to breaking. One who seemed to relish other's agony and power over them. Kale said there were several occasion where he was in a position of needing to decide to shoot. Each time, he was impressed to not, and a moment later would realize he made the right decision. Having to make those decisions in seconds sometimes are the hard decisions each soldier must face.  I always worried that what things he might have to do might change his nature, and how that would scar him. 

Part way through his deployment they are giving a leave; Kale was able to fly home and spend Christmas with him, this was our last one.

How relieved I was to have his deployment come to an end. He had survived this dangerous job.