When I am asked about my family, or have given presentations through MADD, I explain, "We are like the Brady Bunch on steroids!".
We are combination of Yours, Mine and Ours, only to us they are all OURS. There was never any "step" or "half" or "real" in describing our relationships to each other. I think I was really lucky that our children were so young when I married Mark, since it made blending us easier when they were younger. So much greater challenges for families when they are older. When Mark and I were pregnant with our first child, occasionally we would be out by ourselves, and people always ask about your pregnancy; "is this your first?" etc. We would respond, "It's our first, his second, my fourth and our fifth." and just watch them get blown away by that.
We never intended on a set number, Mark wanted kids for so long. He was so happy to get a "package deal" and you never knew that he was not always their dad from the start. He truly did love them as his own, which was my heart's desire.
Mark had gotten into a short relationship before we were dating that resulted with a pregnancy, she was born 2 months after we married. That was a hard conversation he knew he needed to have with me from the start. "I was involved with someone, it didn't work out, but she is pregnant." I told him that together, we could handle anything. This was such a hard time for Kassy's mother, I know she wanted the relationship to work, she didn't imagine single parenting herself. During these early years, the ugliest side of me came out. Today, we are friends, but there were some really rough years.
We were lucky enough to be part of Kassy's life though, we daycare for her for a time when she was very little, some of our moves made it so hard for there to be more regular contact. Kassy and her mom moved to Virginia to start a new life there, so our visits were now yearly. I was so blessed Kassy always called me "mom". I am sure that drove her mom nuts, but luckily we all just tried to emphasize to Kassy she was lucky enough to have 2 moms and 2 dads who loved her. We were on Team Kassy and tried our best to get along and keep love flowing all around her.
So Mark, ever the overachiever, went from 0-5 kids in 1 year. My 3, which he adopted a year into our marriage, his daughter, Kassy, and our first, Jessica was born just after our first year. Occasionally, Mark and I would be out together alone and people would ask, "oh, is this your first?" Yeah right, and we would say, "It's our first, his second, my fourth and our fifth!" and just laugh watching their faces look dazed!
I had threatened pregnancy's as I had some damage internally after Kale was born. Mark and I had our first end in miscarriage as well. We prayed during those earlier complications that she threatened to come too early. She in fact, was went just over her due date, waiting for July 3 the day she picked for her birthday, which was also Mark's birthday. I am sure she had planned and waited for that very day wanting to have her dad around her finger from the very start.
One of the great blessings of marrying this amazing man, was that I could now be a full time mom. My heart's desire. Kids no more in daycare. Mark valued my efforts to mother full time. We knew that having only one income especially with a big family seemed foolish, as well as a heavy burden on his soldiers alone, we would have to do without some extra's of life. But for us, it would be worth anything.
18 months later, was Rebecca's birth, followed 18 months later by Jordan Richard. My heart ached for anyone who wanted to get pregnant and could not, yet for me, it came too easily and rearing a big family was something that was really hard to do but I never knew how much I would love this. By this time, I was pretty sure I was done, my doctor, told me he would do whatever I wanted to do to make sure of this, but he told me to go home and "pray about it.". We begrudgingly did so, afraid of what would come. Sure enough, both Mark and I got a very strong feeling we were not yet done.
Determined to have a little more break between the kids though, I think we had 20 months and we prayed more and said, "if you want to send us one more, we are ready." Enter, Megan Noel. She was born in December; hint: Noel!
I had a severe infection set in shortly after her birth that nearly killed me. I am so grateful for antibiotics! She had colic, we nearly killed her! Kidding… although sleep deprived I did have thoughts of tossing her into the pool to quiet her crying. Until you are a parent do you suddenly realize how someone can just lose it and hurt their child, temporary insanity, poor coping skills or resources, and no sleep. I knew I was done, I didn't want to pray anymore for fear of what that answer was. I knew I was done. 8 was truly enough!
I had always prayed if I was done with bearing children that God would let me know. I didn't want to deny any of His spirit children a chance for life. About 2 years later, I began to have a strong feeling I was missing 1 or 2 from my family. It didn't make sense to me either, so I don't expect it to anyone else who reads this because most people who saw our family would ask us "don't you know what causes that???" No, really?? As if it was anyone else's business.
I felt very uneasy and thought, maybe I can do another, but I didn't want a big break in our family, like mine I grew up in, there are 7 of us, but all spread out. I nearly cancelled my yearly pap exam, not wanting to do it, but luckily I kept it. I was told there were problems however, severe dysplasia, caused by HPV and I was needing more tests, as well as being told it could be cancer.
After a few tests, and not great results, the doctor concluded I needed a hysterectomy, since one of the tests could not determine how far it had spread. I was done having children. Which was always my prayer, in a sense, that the decision be made for me. So my surgery was successful, and was given a clean bill of health. To think that earlier decisions in my life, or Mark's, was a ticking time bomb, with the HPV. Even though you can change your life, you cannot change consequences for those and sometimes it takes awhile for those to catch up to you. But to think it could have robbed my family of their mother was awful. It was a very scary time for me. So I could not understand why all of a sudden, if I can no longer have children, would I feel this hole in my heart, that someone in my family was missing. I cried every time I saw a baby in public. I was talking to my sister in law one day though, and she mentioned my miscarriages to me, and that maybe those baby's were the ones I was feeling. When I looked at it that way, I could finally feel at peace about the fact that my family was complete and everyone that needed to be there was.
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